What Is A Midlife Crisis?

The itch isn’t a meltdown. It’s a message.

We kick off Season 6 of The Mango Times by naming the midlife feeling many of us carry but rarely say out loud. Therapist and fellow motocycler Chris Oneth joins me to unpack what people casually call a “midlife crisis”—where it comes from, why it shows up, and why it might be less about blowing things up and more about waking up.

We move past the red-sports-car cliché and talk about identity, deferred desires, and the roles and expectations that quietly try to box us in. We pressure-test the "Purpose" Venn diagram and explore why Gen X feels this moment so acutely—even though the urge to shift is universal and non-generational.

Most importantly, we get practical. We talk through thought exercises, small rituals, weekly reps, and how adventure helps to build clarity without burning everything down. 

Hey friend! If you’re feeling restless, curious, or unfinished, you’re not broken—you’re waking up.
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Guest Information
Chris Oneth is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) based in Modesto, California, and the Executive Director of Downey Park Counseling Associates. With a background in education and years of counseling experience, Chris works with individuals, couples, and families navigating identity, relationships, and life transitions — especially the questions that surface at midlife.

Outside the therapy room, Chris is a fellow adventurer, overlander, and motorcycle rider. Like Fletch, he’s partial to his Triumph motorcycle, spending time on the road and trail where reflection, perspective, and renewal tend to show up naturally.

Resources and Links
Downey Park Counseling
Chris Oneth - Personal Website
Venn Diagram - Purpose
Our Next Question - Podcast with Chris Oneth and Melanie Jones

Music used in this episode:
All music in this episode is licensed for use through Epidemic Sound.

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Transcript

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New Year, New Season Direction

Fletch 0:05

Hey there, welcome back to the Mango Times. If you're new here, I'm your host Fletch and I want to welcome you along on the ride. It feels great to be back here behind the microphone. I have my pipelit, I have a big cup of steaming black coffee, and my loyal dog champ at my feet. For those of you who turn calendars, this is the new year of 2026, and wow! I mean 2025 was a huge year. If you remember, last year I rebooted this podcast, and congratulations, we made it an entire year, a full season of podcast episodes. You know, I chose to reboot the podcast after a four-year hiatus. I started with uh just talking again about the discussion of the Fletch Festo, my personal manifesto. I spent a lot of time interviewing my 95-year-old dad out in the smoke shop, and then I began to talk about my word of the year, which was adventure. I took you along on a solo motorcycle ride to Montana with me, and along the way, I began to realize where this season was going to go. So if you've been riding along for the past year, this season is going to feel familiar, but it's also going to be different in the best way. I chose a slightly new direction. Um it's not a resolution, it's not a slogan. Um, I'm actually gonna go in a slightly different direction. And this year, the direction is adventure at midlife. I've been talking about it, I preempted it all season just to let you know where we're heading. But this isn't the Instagram version, alright? Um it's not the, hey, let's just sell everything and buy a van and live down by the river version. So what I'm talking about here is the quieter, truer adventure. It's that moment when you wake up in the middle of your life and you realize something's shifting. Uh your questions start changing. Maybe your relationships start to morph. Maybe your beliefs start to get questioned. And your tolerance for nonsense and bullshit drops. Because somewhere between responsibility and this restlessness, you start asking yourself, alright, what now? That's what this season is about. And I plan on talking about this from every angle. But more importantly, I plan on sharing stories with people who are actually doing it. So it's gonna be a year of stories of different people living adventures in a variety of ways. And we're gonna discuss what it looks like when you hit the wall, when you get too burnout or close to burnout, and then what it looks like to take off on adventure. Maybe it's a motorcycle ride to Montana, maybe it's a new business, maybe it's moving, whatever it is. We're gonna talk about risk, we're gonna talk about fear, uh, we're gonna talk about success, um, I'm gonna share some failures, and it's gonna be a killer year. Uh hopefully I'm gonna get out to that smoke shop with Pop and I have a few ideas for taking you along on a new adventure this year with me. So it's going to be a big year. Now, where do we start? I can't think of a better way to open all of this than today's conversation. This episode kind of caps off last season and then sets the tone for the year ahead. So, what I did was I sat down with a friend, his name is Chris Oneth, he rides motorcycles. He's a therapist. He spends his day inside those real conversations that people are having at midlife. Things like identity, burnout, longing, meaning, and that thing that we casually call and throw about call. And that thing that we casually call a midlife crisis. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. What a midlife crisis actually is and what it isn't. Why it doesn't show up, why it scares us, why we talk about it, why we accuse people of having them, and how, if we're paying attention, might actually be an invitation instead of a crossroads failure. So this conversation is gonna set the compass for everything coming this year. The interviews, the road stories, the porch conversations, and the questions I'll keep having. And what my wife, Kendra, recently told me, which I loved, is that ministry of conversation. I love it. I love that she says that's what you're in. You're in the ministry of conversation. So if you felt restless, uh curious, if you feel a little bit unfinished, uh this is the right place. So let's get into it. Uh here's my conversation in the studio with Chris Oneth.

Introduction: Chris Oneth

Fletch 4:58

So I'm excited to have Chris Oneth with me. Chris, welcome to the Mango Times Podcast. Thanks, Slutch. Hey, why don't you tell the audience a little bit about who you are, your superhero story, or boys who you are. Maybe just later.

Chris 5:10

Yeah. So I I am a marriage family therapist by profession. I am a lover Jesus by uh purpose. I am a husband, a father of four grown kids, grandfather Opa to four grandkids. I love motorcycles, I love mountain bike riding, I love God's creation.

Fletch 5:32

So this year, I've talked to you a lot about this, is we're going to be talking about midlife mid-life shifts, about people switching midway through life and saying, I was doing this and now I'm doing this. And so before I started interviewing people, I wanted to kick the season off with someone that I could talk about this philosophically with. And you chose me. Yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I thought you know, you you would get into it with me. You would be like, ah, this is interesting. Let's talk about. And then probably even we'll use this as a framework going into the year. I'll be able to interview people and and maybe come back to this conversation. So nice. And and then someone who sees midlife shifts maybe from the inside out. Okay. Right. Uh, because you work with people who hit this point. Okay, so let's just jump into this term midlife crisis. So it's bantered about, but I don't think we, not you and me, but we culture really know what we're talking about. So before we get into it, I did a little bit of research. And the phrase midlife crisis didn't show up until the mid-1960s. It was a psychologist named Elliot. Well, it looks like Jacques or Jax or Jakes. It's a French term. Oh. So I'm just gonna say Elliot Jakes. There you go. Okay. He coined it after studying artists and noticing that around the age 37 to 42, they confronted their limitations, their identity, and their mortality. Then in the 70s and 80s, when you and I were growing up, the idea blew up into pop culture, mostly portrayed as middle-aged men buying red sports cars. Yes. Having affairs. Yes. Or medallions, gold medallions, or gold bullhorns, or quitting their jobs to find themselves.

Chris 7:26

Yes. Good phrase, find myself.

Fletch 7:28

But I think that misses the point. Yes. So today a lot of therapists say it's not actually a crisis at all, it's a reckoning with meaning or some kind of emotional clarity when people finally ask this question Is this it? Is this who I want to be for the next 20 years? So I'm curious how you, as a therapist, think about this midlife crisis?

Chris 7:55

Not a loaded question at all. No. So it's funny. So oftentimes when I'm sitting with people and whatever the issue is, just like when someone says, look, I man, I've got I've got two a decision to make, and I my choices are bad and worse. It's like, well, when you're in that position, that's that's a problem that happened about five or six decisions ago.

Fletch 8:20

You've finally gotten here. Yes. Okay.

Chris 8:23

Yes. And and that is what uh happens in a midlife crisis. So the midlife crisis is a product that started when younger. Okay. And it started in with identity diffusion. That's the term we use, diffusion. To be diffused means we don't quite know who we are. And according to my model, the tri-relational model, we have a relationship with ourselves, relationship with others, and relationship with creation. Now, if I don't know who I am, then I will have a a shift in in figuring out who I am. I may draw more from others, or even subject to my environment to determine who I am. Okay. I'll give you an example. So if I'm a church kid, I'm raised in church. The environment is church. Those are the people I want to impress, the people I want to perform for. Then they get out of church and it's like woo-hoo, you know, completely something else. Yeah, new environment. New environment, and then what they're doing, then they're gravitating toward other people that are around them. So this is this is something that goes on when we're younger. If what happens a lot of times is what some in the field call an identity foreclosure. Okay. This is what happens in a midlife crisis. In other words, someone, a guy, has gone 20 years, he has gotten married, he has built a career, he has had kids, and the entire time he is not asking himself, what do I want? The blowout that happens in the midlife crisis is built up in that we we haven't met certain wants and needs that we've always had. We've deferred or diffused to our relationships and our in, and by the way, our jobs, that's an in a relationship with our environment. Yeah.

Speaker 2 10:20

Yeah.

Chris 10:20

Or the house. I gotta fix the house, I gotta do this and that, and the other thing. You know, all those things can be good. We can get a lot out of our job, we can get a lot out of our relationship with my wife, our wives, we can get a lot out of friendships. Friendships, yeah. Right. Right. But unless we're asking ourselves, hey, wait a second, what what are some of the things that I want? What are some things? And this is one of the things I ask people is if you had a weekend to yourself, what would you do? And Fletch, you it would blow you away how many people cannot answer that question.

Fletch 10:49

Well, I'll tell you why this comes up is you know that last year I did this midlife ride. Yes. I called it the midlife ride.

Speaker 2 10:55

Uh-huh.

Fletch 10:56

No, I'm very somebody said I'm being very, very kind to myself by saying that this is midlife. Because technically that would mean I'm gonna live to be 115. Awesome. Because I'm 57. Nice. So I'm like, well, you know what I mean. So for me, I wouldn't and so you know, you I but there's some things I've gotten into in the last few years. I've gotten into nothing has changed. I've loved adventure since I was a little boy. Awesome. But kids are out of the house, uh-huh. And I finally felt like I was able to do the things I wanted to do. Motorcycles was a chance to get away alone. No one can reach me. I'm on a bike alone. There's I can't answer questions, I'm just riding.

Chris 11:42

That tells me a lot about you know the importance of that for you and what it does for you. Sure. That's amazing.

Fletch 11:47

But you know, when people see motorcycle, what do they think? Oh, he's having a midlife crisis. Right. So whether it's the adventure of a motorcycle, the adventure of getting there in a Model A truck, where I never know whether I'm gonna get to the coffee shop. That's awesome. That's an adventure. And if I break down, I have got to fix it with my own hands. I've got to figure this thing out. So people kept saying, Are you having a midlife crisis? I'm like, no. I want to live well into the second half of my life. I want to make my choices in the second half of life that I don't think I had the freedom to make as much in the first half. I was sure I had to provide, I had to, I had to do all these things. There was a lot of have-to's. And in the second half of life, there's a bunch of should to's, and I don't want a should all over myself. No. So but what do I want? And so that's that's what I, you know, it's not a crisis. It was just wanting to make better choices.

Chris 12:44

I wanted to live well into the second half. And it's saying it's a crisis, and I'm not saying this necessarily about people saying, Oh, it's a midlife crisis, but A, that's an easy label to just throw out. Oh, it's a midlife crisis. Yeah, that's one. Yeah. Number two, it's it's easy for someone to say that put to potentially, I'm gonna say potentially, dismiss it themselves, right? If you're doing cool stuff, dude, and I'm not, well there uh and I listen, we all have roadblocks, and this is part of the problem. We all have roadblocks as to why we can't do cool stuff. And that's a shame. We have to start to question some of those roadblocks and go, why? Right? And stop saying in our head, well, someday that would be cool to do this and that. And believe me, I have about a handful of things that I have in my head that I'm still going, yeah, someday I'd like to do, I'd like to do. And it is, it's a matter of just saying, Okay, how do I follow through with this?

Fletch 13:38

Let's make this happen. And it's awesome when you do. Oh, it's so great. So, yeah, so those so there we

Break 1: Subscribe And Stay Connected

Fletch 13:46

go. That's the midlife crisis. Let's take a break right here, and I want to come back, and in this next section, I want to talk about some cool things about generations. We'll be right back. Hey, quick pause in the interview. If this conversation is hitting close to home for you, that's kind of the point of this season. Adventure at midlife isn't about blowing things up, it's about paying attention. So if you want to stay connected, the easiest way is to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening. I'll have new episodes dropping every other week, and they're all built around good questions, real conversations, and a little well-placed shtick that you've come to expect from me here at The Mango Times. All right, let's get back to Chris. Alright, so we're

Is Midlife Universal Or Gen X

Fletch 14:37

back. We are talking about this idea of a midlife crisis. Let me ask you a question I've been thinking about. I'm wondering, people in midlife right now are mostly Gen Xers. Sure. So that's us. We're in our 50s, we're Gen Xers. Is this a Gen X thing or a universal thing?

Chris 14:55

I think it is most definitely a universal thing.

Fletch 14:58

So, I mean, currently we're seeing it among Gen Xers because it's who's at the middle of life. Right. But we've seen this with the baby boomers. Yes. They were the popular ones that were the red sports car gold chain people back in the 70s. Medallion. So let me talk a little bit about this though. As Gen Xers, we were rule followers. We were the do what you're supposed to do, kids. Hmm. Okay.

Chris 15:26

I have another ad to that. Okay. Go ahead. We were also uh left to our ourselves.

Fletch 15:32

So are we finally hitting the bill now? Is that what's happening?

Chris 15:37

I think so.

Fletch 15:37

We're like, hey, screw it. I've had enough with the what I've had again, what like what I was saying earlier, what I have to do, what I should do. This is not what I want to do.

Chris 15:48

Sure. And I and by the way, I don't like I said, a midlife crisis is a product of something that started 20 years ago.

Fletch 15:57

So do you think we followed a script that wasn't really ours? What do you think about that?

Chris 16:02

See, that's that's difficult to say because you're again, we're getting back to this. We made choices. Yes. So if I have a healthy relationship with myself in which I do things that bring me meaning and joy, then I also have capacity to give the best to my environment and to other people in my life, right? So I can live by my obligations, I can live by my responsibilities and find great joy in that. But I also need to say, you know what? I need to go for my motorcycle ride right now.

Fletch 16:39

Yeah, and it's great when people around you know that as well. Right. And that's part of a healthy well, for a lot of people in these midlife situations, they hit a wall in relationship, marriage. And if if the other half of that relationship says, I recognize this, I recognize what's healthy for you.

Chris 16:59

And part of that is because she has stuff that she does for herself.

Fletch 17:04

Correct. And we've recognized that in each other.

Chris 17:06

So she's not, oh no, Fletch, don't leave me. What you don't love me? No. She's got stuff she wants to do.

Fletch 17:11

But again, I think in a r in a healthy relationship, we're there. Yeah. I mean, she knows it, she sees it in me and wants that for me, knowing I'll show up as a better version of myself. All right, so let's let's just quickly diagnose our generation. How are we doing as Gen Xers? Are we doing better than the generation before us?

Chris 17:31

Well, that's difficult to say. I think it it I don't see it as sweeping gener, I see it as individuals. Okay. And so I see individuals that don't take care of themselves. They don't know who they are or what they want. And so that becomes that becomes a passive person. And they passively, you know, seek to be mollified or entertained a lot of times. And that is very much, well, if this happens or this happens, then I'll be okay.

Fletch 18:00

So I I was gonna go from the premise that I think we're doing better than the generation before us. Now, what have you has you say that? I think we're better at figuring things out in ourselves. So I would say I'm my guess is that percentage-wise, we are better at therapy than the generation before us. I told you know, I'd I'd agree with that. So the chances of us hitting a wall and snapping and dropping less so than the generation before us who didn't know how to talk to people. Like they just went until they said, I'm done with this marriage, I need a car, I'm gone. Right, right. All right, so I had another thought here I wanted to go down with you, and that's is this a cultural response that we're seeing currently now in our generation when we see people doing

Culture, Covid, And Restlessness

Fletch 18:52

this? Do you think that the COVID pandemic proved that we could stop for a minute and do something else?

Chris 19:00

COVID was one of those things that that brought out a lot of a lot of stuff in people that uh was hidden because of distraction. And so it it it it drove a lot of people crazy. It also drove people more into their quote unquote drug.

Fletch 19:22

This is nothing new, but has our current culture, politics, has it just become too hostile for people to stay in their first act? So is this simply a desire to return to a slower pace? That's kind of this idea that like man, it's like the world's going to hell. The shit has hit the fan. Yeah, yeah. Politically, in my what'd you say, my environment, my work environment has become just not what I signed up for. My church environment is no longer what I signed up for. My Elks Club is no longer what I signed up for. And there's just it just feels like it's such it's so much chaos. Screw it. I'm going this way.

Chris 20:07

So is that chaos based on like expectations you would have of what you hope it should be? And if that's true, are you relying more on that than your own resources to be able to navigate some of these things? Because I think that's happening a lot to the culture. Okay.

Fletch 20:25

That's a good that's a good point. Because I'm I guess I was looking at it. I'm making the assumption that it is all going to hell. But it is your it's it is our response to that. But then my next question is, is but is it are we being more motivated now than ever? Like did COVID trigger something? Did or am I just talking in 2025 where you are here?

Chris 20:46

It's funny. I I think it's always been there. I mean, you as a history former history teacher, you look at some of the historical writings, and there's just but the back and forth. But it's today, it's at such a magnified pace, and also the the huge gathering of echo chamber.

Fletch 21:07

I I get it. And I and I'm I think part of it is my eyes are a little bit myopic right now because I'm 57 and I'm talking to a lot of people that are doing this. Yes. All right, let's take a break here, and I want to come back. I'm gonna talk about a diagram. I'll put this up for us to look at, but I'm gonna talk about a diagram. We'll be right back.

Listener Support And Ways To Help

Fletch 21:29

Alright, just another quick pause here in the conversation. I wanted to say thanks to a couple of you who've helped support the show lately. First, Eric, he wrote in and said he loves the episodes with my dad. And then Joe, who sent a note saying, Happy 57th birthday. I miss our walks and talks in real life. So, how did they support the show? Both of these guys bought me a couple tacos. And honestly, that's the kind of thing that means more than you even realize. I also got a message from Jason that stopped me in my tracks. He's a fan, and he said, I was fully ready to skip that Santa Claus episode. It's not my thing. But I stayed, and I wasn't prepared for the joy it brought or the reflection on all the conversations you had. Thanks. Hey Jason, thank you for taking the time to write in, and I'm glad you liked the show. That was our uh night before Christmas show where I invited all the guests from 2025 to come on and read the Night Before Christmas poem. Uh so thanks for taking the time. That's why I keep doing this. If you enjoy the show and you want to support it, there are a few easy ways. You can leave a quick review on Apple Podcasts, it really does help people find the show. There's a link to it in the show notes. You can send me a text, I read every one of them. So just slide down your show notes. It says send Fletch a text, it'll come directly to me. I don't record anything, it just I get a message like I got from Jason. Or if you're feeling generous, like Eric and Joe, you can buy me a taco and help keep the lights on around here. Alright, back to the conversation.

The Purpose Venn Diagram Debated

Fletch 23:02

Alright, so we're back. I'm talking to Chris Oneth, uh marriage and family therapist, about the midlife crisis as we kick off this year. Chris, uh, let me hand you this diagram. This, what I'm handing Chris is a Venn diagram that I've seen shared for years. And it there's four circles that are intermingling?

Chris 23:23

Yeah.

Fletch 23:23

Intertwining. One circle says you love it. The next circle says the world needs it. The third circle is you're paid for it, and the fourth says you're great at it. And where the four of those meet, you find your purpose. Is this helpful or do you think this is total bullshit?

Chris 23:43

Oh God. Wow. Gee, first of all, nothing's that black and white. It's I love it or I hate it. I would I would frame this a little differently, I think. Yeah, I uh part of part of me sees like I love mountain bike riding. I don't know that I'm good at it, and I definitely don't get paid for it. But it brings me great joy, and I have ideas and plans that I would like to do. I would like to bike pack the coast of California.

Fletch 24:10

Yeah, oh yeah. So let's let's look through it though. I mean, if you find something that you just love doing, yes, that's not enough. You're right for your life. No, you're right So you know, I at 57 years old, let's just use let's use me as an example. I'm a dentist. The world needs it. Yes, it does. I'm paid for it. Uh-huh. And I will say I'm great at it. Yes, that's what I mean. It's good enough for me. I mean, I people keep coming back. People keep coming back. So I'm gonna do I love it. If I don't love it, then I'm just doing it. Yes. And it's eventually going to be one of those things that you have said, yes, I'm eventually gonna snap. If I didn't deal with that for 20 years, I'm finally gonna get to a point and go, I cannot do this anymore. I do not love this.

Chris 25:02

Well, okay, so then that leads to a riff of uh of another direction because there are things uh we can grow to love something. So I say this because I'm sure there's stuff about dentistry that you're like, that's not my favorite thing. Like I don't like this driver. Yeah, right, right, right. I don't like this part of it. Right. You know, but you don't focus on those things. You focus on the relationships, you focus on talking with people, having your own space, you know.

Fletch 25:26

I'm I'm not bailing on dentistry. I'm pretty close to nailing this. I'm pretty close to I think there's one more circle. 70 years, 30 years. Yeah, 30 years. I think there's one more circle, and it's I I think my circle would be where you're doing it.

Speaker 2 25:42

Mmm.

Fletch 25:43

Because then you go, Oh, well, I do like being a dentist. I do, I mean, all these things, but I would love to do it in Santa Cruz. Oh, sure. So where you do it. So podcasting. I love podcasting. Yeah. The world needs it? I don't know. I'm not getting paid for it. And I don't know that I'm great at it. I think you're great at fletch. But but again, like uh is this a useful diagram? Is this something you would give someone and say, hey, let's let's work on this, let's talk about where you are.

Chris 26:11

Well, uh I don't think so.

Fletch 26:13

Okay. I I might use this during the year with my interviews and just say, let me give you a picture. Tell me what you think about this and just get people's responses. There you go. All right, so let's totally bagging on it, by the way. No, you you could. That's fine. Let's talk a little bit now. Let's transition into next steps from this conversation. So what would you tell someone who has that whisper inside them or that sense that they want to make a shift in life?

Chris 26:47

I would it's funny when you say tell them, I would first ask them more questions.

Fletch 26:53

Okay. Would you want to get back to that what's been going on the last 20 years?

Chris 26:57

Yes. Okay. I would want to have them conceptualize like this is how I want my life to look.

Fletch 27:06

Okay.

Chris 27:07

I would have them follow through on a certain like mental exercise to say, this is how I imagine it could be.

Fletch 27:13

One of the things Kendra and I've discussed is a framework from a guy named Jonathan Fields called the Two by Twenty Project from the Good Life or the two by twenty project, from the Good Life Project,

Small, Medium, Large Experiments

Fletch 27:25

where he asks you to commit to two experiments for twenty months. Nice. Not big dramatic life changes, I love it, just intentional exploration. I love it. And how do you think something like that would fit into a midlife shift? Like, hey, I'm thinking of becoming a writer. Yes. So for the next 20 months, write every day.

Chris 27:46

I totally love that because follow through is exceptionally important. We part of the mid part of part of the problem with the midlife crisis is oftentimes we don't do ourselves the favor of doing ourselves favors. Okay. And I see it as experiencing God's blessings, right? So practically people can start following through on little tiny things.

Fletch 28:10

Okay.

Chris 28:11

I call them, I call them small, medium, and large. Small ways you can, yeah, look at the moon. Take that walk at at break time. You know, you hardly ever say, I wish I hadn't done that.

Fletch 28:23

Yeah, so I've called those micro experiments. Ooh. I love it. I love it. Like 30, 60 minutes a week. Just little micro experiments. Like do it 30 to 60 minutes a week.

Chris 28:34

So again, go back to small, medium, and large. Small can be, you know, five, ten minutes throughout the day doing something just it could be another ritual, another habit that that is a blessing and a benefit to you. Medium can be the 30 to 60, could be, okay, I'm going to start going to the gym. I have a buddy of mine, Steve, who asked me, Chris, I have not worked out at all in my life, and I want to know how. So he started going to the gym with me, and he is not a morning person, and he has no connection to his body, but we are working on that, and it's a challenge. And those challenges bring lots of meaning to us, especially when we start to develop over time mastery. Mastery feels amazing. So that would be medium, something medium that you can do sustained every day. It doesn't have to be every day, it could be three or four times a week. Large is something bigger. Riding across the country on your motorcycle. Yeah. Maybe a big project like working on a model. What is it you have?

Fletch 29:32

Model A.

Chris 29:33

Model A. Yeah. Getting it running. Getting it running. All that stuff. Those the and and so bringing the reason I say this is because so many people all say, Well, what do you do for fun? And they'll be like, Oh, I snowboard. I'm like, Really? When's the last time you snowboard? Oh, it was like six months ago.

Fletch 29:47

What about the future self letter? Have you heard that before? I like it. So write a letter from your 70-year-old self. What did they thank you for changing? Nice. What do you think about that?

Chris 29:59

I love that because it does. It conceptualizes you in the future, and we do. We exist as a person, we exist in the past, in the present, and in the future. Yeah. And being kind to our future self is very important. But even considering and life inventory.

Fletch 30:20

So I think you've talked about this already. But what drains me, what gives me energy, what do people come to me for? What would I do with one free afternoon a week? Those kind of questions you were asking. So, like taking a life inventory. Good, good plan?

Chris 30:37

Absolutely, because again, this connects you to the relationship you have with yourself. What I recommend is people even take quiet walks three days out of the week. I mean, when I say quiet, I mean no podcast. Yeah. Nothing but staring off into space, looking at the birds. And even that can generate some reflections about yourself that you can say, you know, I would love to do this. Or you know how I really I guess I'm really like this, and this is how I behave.

Fletch 31:08

It's funny because part of my walking is I tell people you hear things, smell things that you didn't know. And

Familiar And Fantastic In Balance

Fletch 31:16

because you're going slower, you're seeing things you've never seen before. 100%. Okay, so one more that I would like to think. What about the two conversation rule? Have two honest conversations with people who've already made a midlife shift, a big change in life. Ask them what they regret, what they learned, and what they misjudged, which is essentially what I'll be doing this whole year on the Mango Times. I love it. All right. So if we're talking about people that are gonna start to exercise towards making a change, how do they know they're really waking waking up to a change and not just going crazy or blowing up their life?

Chris 32:00

So this this gets in the realm of the familiar, and I'm gonna probably do a podcast on this, but the familiar versus the fantastic. We need both. Okay. So uh the familiar is ritual, it's uh something that's safe, something that's predictable, something that we can count on and rely on. Of course, the fantastic is taking risks, adventure, the unknown, and we absolutely need both. In order to fully enjoy the fantastic, we need a familiar base. So to answer your question, how do I, how do you know whether or not, you know, it's actually something that is gonna pay off or or it's just gonna blow up, I think shoring up your home resources, right? Connecting again to the people that are are most important to you, and then yes, taking that risk. So both.

Fletch 32:59

Okay. What's one or two concrete things someone could start this week if they're feeling the stir of their own second act?

Chris 33:08

I think you you mentioned earlier, like allow yourself to be curious. Okay, like allow your sense yourself that sense of risk and even adventure. Okay. Because the alternative is n you know, in in in in five years you'll be in the same place or something will be different. And so your own agency determines what that could be, right? That's one. Number two, I would gather resources around you, people that can encourage you.

Fletch 33:38

That that is actually the purpose of these interviews this year, is to talk to people who who've made it and who've failed.

Chris 33:44

Yeah. Both end. Well, here's the other thing people are so afraid of failure. And I'm always into like change that word failure to discovery.

Fletch 33:53

Yeah.

Chris 33:54

Exactly. You know, you you try something and it didn't go quite the way you planned. Well, sometimes that's when the real fun begins.

Fletch 34:01

That's the Edison. You know, I didn't invent the light bulb. Right. I invented 500 ways not to make a light bulb. Yes. You know, that concept. Well, Chris, I brought you on because I wanted listeners to have something like a compass before we started all these stories.

Resources, Failure As Discovery

Fletch 34:17

So now I'm going to talk to all kinds of people, including you, about Act Two and how they start Act Two or how they continue with Act One and call it Act Two.

Chris 34:30

Right on.

Fletch 34:30

How would people find you online or in real life? How would you like people to reach out to you if they want to talk about it?

Chris 34:37

Okay. I'll put a link to that to the show notes. Okay. I am we are switching up hosts. It's going to be Melanie Jones, my wife, and myself, Chris Oneth. Okay. I my vocation is Downey Park Counseling. That is also a website, and we have a bevy of therapists that love to help people and are very good at what they do. What if they're not local? If they're not local, send me an email, Chris Oneth at Chris at ChrisOniath.com. Fantastic. Thanks for being on the Mango Times Podcast. Thank you for inviting me, Fletch.

Fletch 35:11

All right. I hope you like that conversation. You know what? I love this episode because it names something a lot of us feel, but we don't always know how to say it out loud. And it's that midlife isn't a breakdown. It's just this crossroads. And this conversation, like I said, is going to set the tone for where we're headed this year. Adventure at midlife isn't about running away. It's really more about waking up and asking better questions. And really to keep with a theme that means something to me. It's about choosing the next stretch of road with a little more intention. So I've got some great conversations coming up this season. I'm really excited about them. I have some great interviews that I've already completed over the Christmas break. We'll have some reflections, we're gonna have a few familiar voices

Closing Intentions For The Season

Fletch 35:57

back, and we're gonna have a whole bunch of new ones too. Hey, if this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear it. Just scroll down and hit send fletch a text. I'd love for you to share it with someone who's in that, you know, something's shifting season of life. Uh please share the podcast near and far. But as we kick off this season, I just want to thank you for being here. This is the Mango Times season six, and we're just getting started. So hop on and let's quietly make some noise. You've been listening to the Mango Times podcast. Everything I write and say here at the Mango Times is written and produced by me, Andy Fletcher. This is all copyright material. So if you're going to use anything I say or write here on the Mango Times, just ask and let me know. For any questions, head on over to the MangoTimes.com.

Chris 37:01

So my voice doesn't drive you drive you crazy because I know that's a thing for you, Fletch.

Fletch 37:06

I have a thing about podcast quality.